How to Talk to Aging Parents about Future Care

As our loved ones age, the roles within the family dynamic often undergo a significant shift. Adult children may find themselves faced with the responsibility of caring for their aging parents, which can be a challenging and emotional experience. Recognizing the need for in-home care and supplemental services becomes crucial, and having open and honest conversations about these topics is essential.

One of the difficulties of the situation is knowing how to have the conversation with aging parents. As the relationship changes with age, it’s hard to know where to start and what to do. One of the most critical elements is to fully understand the situation/needs and know your options before having the conversation about future care. This makes the conversation significantly easier and more productive for everyone involved.

Since every person’s needs and their family dynamics will vary widely, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to this life change.

In order to uncover the steps that need to be taken along this journey, we’ll need to understand:

• Aging parent’s medical and physical needs
• What resources are available
• How to discuss future changes with aging parents

Many elderly family members prefer to “age in place,” or stay in the comfort of their own home rather than move to assisted living facilities. While at first this can seem burdensome on family members who serve as caretakers, there are ways to alter and transform homes with proper equipment to create a comfortable living space for the person.

Understanding your parents’ needs

Before discussing the subject of future care with aging parents, it’s vital to gain a thorough understanding of their current situation and needs. Consider what prompts the need for this conversation — is it medical concerns, functional limitations, or a desire to enhance their quality of life? Understanding your parents’ perspective on their needs and identifying potential resources that could be beneficial lays the groundwork for productive discussions.

First, it’s important to know how the parents view their needs.

• Is their mobility limited, therefore requiring in-home assistance?
• Has their quality of life diminished as a result of physical limitations inside the home?
• Are they willing to accept help in the form of changes within the home so they may age in place?

Once these conversation starters have been addressed, caretakers and family members can then begin researching and working with organizations who specialize in this type of support.

How in-home care works

Now that the conversation around in-home care has begun, the segue toward addressing those needs can be very natural between family members. Making alterations to the homes of aging parents doesn’t have to be massive project, despite the changes potentially feeling daunting to the elderly.

Those who would most benefit from in-home care include someone who:

• Have experienced a health decline
• Have decreased independence with ADLs (bathing, dressing, getting in/out of bed/chairs, eating, using the toilet, grooming, walking short distances)
• Would benefit from additional equipment at home
• Are in need of minor home maintenance and repairs
• Are currently living with limited/no caregiver support

In-home care offers invaluable support to aging parents who may not yet require intensive medical assistance but could benefit from additional help with daily tasks, promoting a newfound sense of mobility and independence.

The CAPABLE Program at UDS

The CAPABLE program, offered by United Disabilities Services (UDS), provides a comprehensive approach to aging in place, focusing on enhancing aging parents’ ability to perform daily activities safely and independently.

CAPABLE is a program developed by Johns Hopkins School of Nursing and is being used nationally. It’s a client-directed, home-based program designed to increase mobility, functionality, and capacity to allow aging parents to stay in their homes.

Over the course of four-to-six months, the patient will have six in-home visits from an occupational therapist and four visits from a registered nurse. Together, the older person sets goals and takes action.

As part of those goals, the home undergoes minor modifications to install equipment that will help improve daily function for the homeowner. Coupling the in-home modifications and healthcare provider visits, the participant will learn ways to better manage health and improve their overall mobility and independence.

How to have the conversation with aging parents about future care

As aging parents begin to slowly transition toward in-home care and minor modifications to increase quality of life while aging in place, looking at the future of care for that family member and having a discussion on the topic can become more accessible.

Again, learning about the family members’ wants and needs while still providing proper care is essential. Joint decision making will be crucial throughout this process.

There are a variety of ways to go about this process, and families should first understand the changing dynamics of the relationship. The parent, who has always been the authority figure in charge of his or her own health decisions is now becoming dependent on others along with needing support from their children. This can be a difficult change for aging parents, but also a necessary one.

Additionally, the discussion with aging parents around future care should include:

• Understand all the options and have a plan going into the conversation
• Don’t forget to include other family members when needed. Ensure everyone is on the same page ahead of time. 
• Start discussions early if possible. Don’t wait until you’re at a critical point without much time.  Working things lightly into conversation can help ease the topic over time. 
• Ensure the parents’ buy-in. Unless health or safety is concerned, it still needs to be their ultimate decision.  Help them understand the options and why they can be beneficial (and in many cases, non-intrusive).
• Don’t blindside someone with the conversation. Be clear and honest.

How UDS can help

Discussing future care needs with aging parents requires empathy, patience, and careful consideration. By understanding their needs, exploring available resources such as the CAPABLE program, and approaching conversations with sensitivity, families can work together to ensure the well-being and independence of their loved ones as they age.

UDS offers valuable support and resources for families navigating these challenges, and the CAPABLE program stands as a testament to the commitment to empowering older adults to age in place with dignity and support.